Life as a Depressed Parent

The New York Times parenting blog posts an outstanding video conversation about parenting and depression. Though the conversation is from a parent's perspective, the perspectives on depression in general are ones anyone can relate to who's experienced depression. Talking about depression brings it out of the closet and on to the dining room table where it belongs. Everyone needs to feel supported in talking about their internal struggles, and having the chance to lessen the load of "crushing despair" that so commonly prevents people with depression from getting help.

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Happiness Monologue: A Talking Exercise

I'm taking the 8 week online Happiness Course, and you can follow along on my twitter feed here. The instructions for Happiness Monologue exercise are very brief. Just talk for 10 minutes about happiness. It's better if you find someone to talk to, and then take a turn listening. This is an exercise in honesty, not in trying to come up with the right answer. After all, there is no "right" answer, when you become honest, you'll discover that there are many "right" answers. I've posted my Happiness Monologue here.

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Limiting Anxiety in Children of Anxious Parents

Weekly hour-long sessions helped parents learn how to prevent anxiety in their own children. Researchers from the Johns Hopkins Children’s Center have found that a family-based program reduced symptoms and the risk of developing an anxiety disorder among these children.

The program was found to be effective in as little as 8 weeks. It's designed to help parents identify and change behaviors believed to contribute to anxiety in the children, while at the same time teaching children coping and problem-solving skills.

Despite its small size, the study suggests that as few as eight weekly family sessions of cognitive behavioral therapy go a long way to prevent or minimize the psychological damage of childhood anxiety. Results of the study will appear in the June issue of the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.

“If psychiatrists or family doctors diagnose anxiety in adult patients, it’s now clearly a good idea that they ask about the patients’ children and, if appropriate, refer them for evaluation,” says senior investigator Golda Ginsburg, Ph.D., a child psychologist at Hopkins Children’s and associate professor of psychiatry at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. “Right now, most doctors don’t think about this, let alone broach the subject.”

Ginsburg says data show that the children of parents diagnosed with an anxiety disorder are up to seven times more likely to develop an anxiety disorder themselves, and up to 65 percent of children living with an anxious parent meet criteria for an anxiety disorder.

The parental behaviors modified with treatment included overprotection, excessive criticism and excessive expression of fear and anxiety in front of the children. The program targeted such childhood risk factors as avoiding anxiety-provoking situations and anxious thoughts.

Source: Johns Hopkins
Image source: Laura Burlton

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Knowing your values improves your results

"The main benefit of knowing your values is that you will gain tremendous clarity and focus, but ultimately you must use that newfound clarity to make consistent decisions and take committed action. So the whole point of discovering your values is to improve the results you get in those areas that are truly most important to you." Steve Pavlina, (Chapter 3, Personal Development from Smart People).

There is considerable research suggesting that being clear on one's values is conducive to high self esteem and self confidence. In a recent New York Times article, a group of seventh graders who were struggling in class did significantly better after spending a year repeating an exercise involving writing their most important values. These students improved their average G.P.A. by 0.4 points higher compared to those students who had not participated in the exercise. The improvements continued through eighth grade, researchers observed.

These students gained measurable confidence by simply reminding themselves of the things in life that they value, such as athletic ability, sense of humor, creativity and being smart. Similarly, we too, as adults, can experience greater confidence and satisfaction in our own lives by taking a few minutes, several times a year, to reflect on our values. When we don't reflect on our values, on what's important to us, we can lose sight of our purpose, confidence can fail. The disconnect between our values and the way we are living our lives, over time, can contribute to anxiety and even depression.

Values work is an essential part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and really, any thorough, introspective therapy. Are you living the life you imagined? Are you living a satisfying and fulfilling life? Are you happy? Values give us a guidepost, or a direction we can use to make our decisions in life that help bring fulfillment and satisfaction into our lives. The map is not the territory, but having a map can help us navigate the territory. Values are the points on the compass, and when we are clear on our values, we begin to make choices that move us closer to living our values on a daily basis.

I often recommend to my clients that they work up a short list of their values and then post them on the refrigerator, or on the bedroom vanity, or on the door front door. By having your values conspicuously posted, you'll reinforce an ongoing and conscious awareness of your values which will serve to inspire you and lift your confidence, perhaps improving your GPA in life. Here are some resources to help clarify and articulate your values.

Rachel Lavern is a certified coach, corporate Trainer, speaker, and author. On her blog, You Are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made, she has an exercise on identifying your core values. This is part 2 in her series of posts on creating a personal mission statement.

If you'd like to work with a more comprehensive list of values you can take a look at the Personal Values Sort exercise developed by Miller, W. R., C’de Baca, J., & Matthews, D. B at the University of New Mexico. The exercise consists of a list of 83 values to sort through and ultimately identify your top 5 values. You can find instructions, and a pdf of the exercise here. Print out the exercise, cut it up into slips and play around with on your kitchen table.

You can also find online flash versions of the Personal Values Sort exercise here, and for a version focused around your job and career, the University of Minnesota has a nice one posted here.

Personal Values Sort (pdf)
Personal Values Sort (flash required)
Job/Career Values Sort (flash required)





Photo credit: thinkpublic

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